Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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