I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Randomize
