I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
