I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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