I think my vagina is haunted
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
