just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize