my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You made out with two different species that night
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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