I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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