We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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