do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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