when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
