If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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