I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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