you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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