one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
