you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
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