i just wanna soil my oats bro
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
