I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize