Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Randomize
