We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
