how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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