Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
