It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
