That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
