Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
