My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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