I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
