I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
