brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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