Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
