I wish I could teleport
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
