I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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