my vag is so smooth its legendary
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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