So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
operation have a gay friend backfired
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
