It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
