I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I need to calm my uterus...
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