Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Randomize
