ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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