Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
