She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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