And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
