none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
