would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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