I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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