I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
