I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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