i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You're like the curious george of whores
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
