dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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