So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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