Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
