In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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