just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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