Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
