I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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