so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
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