Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
