Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
