On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
