We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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