is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
