That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Randomize
