I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
