my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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