I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
