She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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