Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
