I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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