Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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