ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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